The Program: Step 3 - Solutions
Type 5 Problem
One of my "Nice Girl" friends recently emailed me about dating
"Type 5" guys. She said:
You meet women that you're interested in, they're interested
in you, but they end up thinking of you as "a great,
...a lot of the nice guys/men I've dated get really lazy by the
second or third date (hence not making it to the fourth). They
think that since the courtship is over and they "have"
the girl that they can slack off. Keep the courtship/romance alive.
Women die for that stuff. Although it's the nineties and I myself
am in a male dominated field, I still wouldn't mind a little creativity
on his side.
Now then, that may not be part of your problem, but it's
Question: Is this really a problem?
Answer: Maybe not.
If you're making it to the third or fourth date, it's possible
that you're doing everything right you just haven't found the
right person for you. Yet.
In some ways Nice Guys are less picky than the general population
in some ways, we're more picky. It takes us more initial work to
ask someone out, but once we've asked them out, we're less likely
to want to break it off. This means that we're more likely to be
the ones broken up with rather than doing the breaking up.
I had an email discussion last October with a NiceGirl friend of
mine, June (author/performer of the song "Dating") on the
Let's say each person finds about 10% of the opposite
sex population "interesting." That seems to
me to be about the average degree of pickiness. This
would mean that if you are in a group of 100 men and
100 women (all heterosexual, one assumes), 10 will be
interested in you, you will be interested in 10, and
you will find mutual interest with only one.
Some people recommend upping your chances by seeking out
people with similar interests. Others, such as John Gray,
recommend seeking out someone different from you because
they believe opposites attract. But I think that chemistry
is so unpredictable that it might as well be random.
Also, beyond basic health, hygiene, and respect for others,
anything you do to make yourself more attractive could
irritate some people. Believe it or not, I've actually
been turned off by men who seemed too handsome, too smooth,
too well-dressed, or too financially successful (I like men
who are more relaxed and balanced). And some men have been
turned off by what I feel are some of my best qualities.
And then there's the issue of communicating interest and
sensing interest from others. There's much potential for
misunderstanding. It can be pretty darned confusing.